February 22, 2025

Hello! It has been three years, one month and two weeks since I finally snapped and said, “Enough it enough” to the covert narcissist I had been in an on again and off relationship with for 6 years.

I have to give a hundred thanks to Dan McGrath, the author of The Adventures of Dan and Tina. I listened to this book on Audible. If you have an audible account this book is in the Plus Catalog which means it is included with your subscription fee. I had read many books on the topic but this was the first one I read which was an autobiography of what he endured. Let me tell you this, his story is way worse than mine. His narc is a true psychopath. He also has a blog which inspired me to start my own. I hope my message helps people who are in these relationships and help them understand that the only way to deal with this is to leave. There is NO hope for a covert narc. They do not change. They will not change. They are sick and twisted. Manipulation is their middle name. Here is a link to his blog. https://danandtina.net/

I had broken it off with him twice before and was hoovered back in both times. Assuaged with promises he would change, that I was his entire world and that he would do what he had promised to do. I was exhausted and 100 percent done by this point. Totally over it and I had cracked and had finally seen the truth. Since that date I have read countless books on narcissism and covert narcissism. Since then I realize he is a covert narcissist, the most dangerous kind. This is because this type of narc is very charming, popular, well liked and generous. They can make friends with anyone anywhere and people like them. They can shape shift into what they need to be at the moment. In church they are the faithful pious person, on vacation they are the person who can walk into a bar or restaurant and get everyone hyped up and are usually the life of the party, in front of police officers they gush their appreciation, in a business type situation they can be professional. ONLY the person in a relationship starts to see the reality of who they are. So breaking off a relationship will have people wondering WHY you let them go. And if you share the truth most people will not believe you. Only your friends and family will believe you (most of the time). But I have read stories about how even some friends and family members may not believe the abused. That is absolutely heartbreaking. It is so deceitful. The narc will even tell people you are the crazy one. The one not to be trusted. That you are the problem. They revel in sharing false narratives. Their platform in their social media and they will post crazy making posts putting you down and telling the world they are mortally wounded. They are seeking validation and sympathy. An overt narcissist is recognizable and most people will see them for what they are. It is a sickness. I am not sure if they truly realize they are the one who is the problem or if they actually believe they are the “golden” one. My narc actually posted this on his public facebook page. That I was “selfish” and I just “ran off” and that he was “golden”. And for each post he made he racked up many likes, hearts, thumbs up and comments of support. So join me on my journey as I go through the crazy making I endured. I am still in recovery. (More on that later). Enjoy– Ruth