The term itself is an oxymoron.

The definition from the internet is

“Love bombing” refers to a manipulative tactic where someone showers another person with excessive affection, compliments, and attention in the early stages of a relationship, aiming to quickly create a strong emotional bond and dependence, often with the intention of later controlling or devaluing the partner; essentially, it’s a form of emotional manipulation to gain power over someone by making them feel intensely loved and needed very quickly. 

And yes it happened to me.

This  term was unknown to me back then so I had no idea it was a bad thing.  After being married to a man for ten years who pretty much ignored me (unless I was cooking or wanting sex) I loved it. 

I felt like I was floating. I lapped that shit up.  Who wouldn’t?

I am a fairly attractive woman and I am not conceited but was not used to all of the attention so when it was happening I felt sexy, loved and desired.  Little did I know it was all part of the covert narc’s game. Here is what it looked like.  Imagine his house with the son and his wife and the kids, the roommate, the elderly mom and the other grown children popping up regularly.  He and his son had created a hang out room in the garage with a big screen TV, a pool table couches and chairs

Adam had a lot of friends. But they were superficial friends I realize now.  So each weekend there was football, basketball, hockey, baseball or Nascar on the  TV.  A refrigerator stocked with White Claws and beers. His poison of choice was (is) vodka

This house was a gathering spot and people dropped in on a regular basis.  Most of them are good people.   Some not so good.

The garage door remained open and the place was full of people during the Sunday morning football games

It was quite a sight to see.  Some evenings there would be pirates

Love bombing.

When I showed up he would walk down the driveway to meet me with a bunch of love bombs

He would be grinning and saying things like. “Oh my god you are so beautiful” or “I am so lucky to have youz’  I am not going to type out the rest since it makes angry

Why did this start to make me angry?

Well to start with it did not always bother me.  I soared it up.  But after a while I started to realize how once the top was and how it affected people around us.  Also, it was a diversion tactic.  As you read along about my journey I will be sharing about how inconsistent, flaky, dishonest, needy and how much he exaggerated and lied.  Not only lied but gaslights me by telling me he never said this  or that and I had begun to doubt myself and I still do.  I have to constantly remind myself I have a right to be upset and speak up for myself. I  often stay quiet and let too many things go.  

I used to be confident, outspoken and tough.  Not a bitch at all though.  Just someone who was sure enough in herschel that people often did not try to mess with me. And when they did I always always always spoke up and let people know. But that began to fade away after he began gaslighting me. I started to doubt my memories and feelings. Because he would tell me “I never said that” or “You are overreacting.” Lovely huh?

Now I speak up maybe ¼ of the time.  It is sad.  

His behavior would affect people around him.  For example, if there was a party going on and I showed up he would do his bombing and continue with it through the evening.  Intermittent love bombing.  

The other women at the party would notice and get irritable with their partner or spouse.. Why don’t you say nice things to me like that.?  I saw it cause arguments.  Of course not overt arguments but whispered ones.  

Some of the men would get irritated and he did tell me how sometimes they would tell him. “Man, you are making the rest of us look bad.”

  But he never stopped.  Well he did for the last few months of our relationship when I started to literally tell him to shut up. Sounds rude?  Well trust me.  It is not what you will see.

The fact that he continued to do it knowing other females would feel badly and some other men hated it as it caused arguments is a clear sign of narcissism.  No empathy and the inability to put yourself in others shoes. Is it inability though or just not giving a damn. In his case i think he knew and just did not give a damn  Though many psychologists will say they literally cannot but I think that is not always the case

Another thing he did in the beginning was to show me off.  Hewold invite me to his coaching meetings when they would meet at a pizza place for lunch and beers.

I must explain this.  I am several years younger than him.  In addition to that I could pass for 35 on most days.  So I was a young, cute blonde chickie.

And he looked his age.  When I met him he was 54.  Not bad looking at all.  But I do not go for looks on their own. I date people because of what they represent, not necessarily their looks. IHave dated men of different races as well.  African American, Tunisian, Hispanic, one was from Denmark and had flaming red hair.  So that day when I stopped in the pizza place all of the coaches stood up and started saying “good job Adam”

And funny remarks like “what are u doing with this guy”

This behavior also occurred on social media.  Pictures of me with words of undying love.  ALL lies

He never did this when we were alone.  If I showed up and no one was there I got a normal hello. But if others were there he would give an exaggerated “Oh my GOD you are so pretty “  with his jaw dropping and sometimes he would literally run to me. Sometimes he would jump and down like a child showering me with praises and telling me how much he missed me. I ate it up.

What woman (or man) would NOT enjoy this? I did but that ended about 1 year before that final time I broke up with him. (more on that in another post)

What to watch for.

Intense early affection:

Love bombers often express strong feelings, make grand gestures, and give lavish gifts very early in the relationship.

• Overwhelming compliments:
• They may excessively compliment your appearance, personality, and life choices, making you feel special and adored. 
• Pressure for commitment:
• Love bombers may push for quick commitment, wanting to move in together or get married very fast.
• Isolation tactics:
• They may try to isolate you from friends and family, making them the central focus in your life. 
• Devaluation phase:After establishing control, the love bomber may switch to a pattern of criticism, belittle your actions, or withdraw affection, leaving the victim feeling confused and insecure. 

We do not need to be loved bombed if we love ourselves.

Ruth