Another note to Dear Ruth/Ruthie- ENJOY

Dear Ruthe/Ruthie

I am not sure what to do.  A few weeks ago my fiance’s friend touched me inappropriately.   He was drinking and when we were at the bar to order our drinks he turned to me and looked me up and down.  He leaned in to whisper to me and his fingers stroked the inside of my thigh.  I jumped back in revulsion.  He began to try to apologize and ask me to not say anything to my fiance.  It has been bothering me.  Should I tell him or let it go?  Should I believe that this was not a big deal?

Flustered in Florida

Dear Flustered,.

You implied that you two were drinking and at a bar.  Where was your fiance.?  Why were you drinking with another man?   I wonder if you set yourself up for a situation like this.  It is not ok to be out drinking with other people or especially other men.    Is it possible you leaned in too close to him or were you overly friendly.  Perhaps you were sending him the message you were interested.  .  If he apologized and felt bad then I think there is no reason to speak on this. It would break up a friendship and cause distrust between you and your fiance.  If I were you, I would tell the “friend” you forgive him and that is should never happen again and if it does then you will tell your fiance.   

I would keep this to myself and avoid drinking with men other than your fiance.

Stay safe- Ruth

Dear Flustered,

What the hell?  Is this man still walking and talking?  I would have kicked him in the crotch.  You must have amazing restraint to hold yourself together.  Bravo.  If it were me he would have been lying on the floor crying like a child. .  You need to speak up and say something immediately. .  Your fiance has friends that do this?  These are not real friends.  For him to apologize may seem like a  grand gesture but it only shows deceit and manipulation.  He only wants you to stay quiet.  He is not sorry.

Your finance should be told right away and he needs to kick that friend to the curb.  NO woman deserves this and alcohol is not an excuse.  If your fiance does not dump this guy as  a friend then he is not worth marrying.  I hope he does the right thing.  You deserve to be loved and protected. 

Please write and tell me how it went.  I look forward to your update

Stay Safe- Ruthie